Ugly Couches and Overprotective Brothers
by HereWeGoOnceMore
Summary: There are some things Canada simply will not do on America's  admittedly hideous  couch, and Prussia can just shut up about it.


Okay, so I kind of _had_ to post _something_ with America and Canada for the Fourth of July and Canada Day. And apparently I now ship Canada and Prussia (pretty sure that's _aaall _scrambled-eggs-at-midnight's fault.) So here you go: something that has nothing to do with either holiday, but that hopefully causes some giggles anyway.

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><p>Canada and Prussia were going to have to have A Talk about Things It's Not Okay to Say When You're at Canada's Brother's House, I Don't Care How Much He Provoked You, You're Too Sensitive About That Stuff Anyway, Yes You Are, Don't Look at Me Like That, Gilbert, Please Put Down the Lamp.<p>

One thing Prussia wasn't allowed to say at Canada's brother's house was— just as an example— "Man, this is one ugly-ass couch."

"Prussia!" said Canada.

"Well, it is."

"But that doesn't mean you get to say so. You're a guest here."

"Matt, you helped me pick out that couch!" said Ameria.

"Mattie, I don't think we can be friends anymore. This couch is just too ugly."

"I didn't! He dragged me around and didn't listen to anything I said," Canada protested.

America ignored him. "Hey, you live with your little brother. You don't get to talk about other people's houses," he said.

"Not true! Now I live with your little brother."

America froze.

He turned, very slowly, to Canada.

"It's awesome," Prussia added.

America opened his mouth. He shut it. He opened it again.

"WHAT?"

"Oh, maple," Canada muttered.

"How did I not know about this? Why the hell did you let him move in with you?"

"I didn't let him. He just kind of… showed up."

"He's probably gonna try to defile you or something!"

"Hey," said Prussia. "Nothing he does with me is defilement. It's more like… earning his manhood. It'd be earning his womanhood if he was a chick. Which he's not, and I should know." He nudged Canada with his elbow.

"Prussia, you're _not_helping," said Canada. "And America, I'm over two hundred years old. I can make my own decisions."

"Wait— you actually— _ewwww!_ With _my brother!_ And I let you in my _house!_That's it, I'm gonna kill you for ruining Canada's innocence."

"Dude, I don't think he's got a very high opinion of your sexual prowess."

"What?"

"Well, he acts like I'm the only one you've ever fucked. Which I'm not, just the best. Right, Mattie?"

"Er… sure?"

"I remember this one time when he and France were both calling me at the same time," Prussia told America. "France was all, 'Honhon, Ah have made eet weeth zee Canadian guy' and Canada kept going 'Oh my god I finally lost it. To France! He's _soooo_dreamy!' It was funny at first, but then neither of them would shut up."

"I don't sound like that," said Canada.

"France," said America.

"Yeah, you do. It's okay. I like you anyway."

"France," America said again.

"Yeah, France. The guy with the longish hair and the stupid little beard? Keeps trying to get me to pay him back for shit? Goes to war with England a lot? Sound familiar?"

"I'LL KILL HIM."

"Awesome! If you kill him I don't have give him those twenty euros back."

America dug his phone out of his jeans and dialed. "France, you're dead. You know what you did. Oh. Well, then I'll tell you before I kill you." He snapped it shut. "I think you two can see yourselves out." He pointed at Prussia. "After I kill France, you're next!"

Prussia rolled his eyes. "I'm _so_scared," he said as America slammed the door.

"He's gonna _murder_ him," Canada moaned. "And then he's gonna murder _you_."

"Nah. The rest of the world won't let him. Besides, I'm not scared of friggin' America. I taught that boy everything he knows about warfare." He looked proud. "Anyway, now that he's gone, wanna defile his couch?"

Canada dropped his head into his hands. "We are not having sex on my brother's couch, if that's what you mean."

"Look at it this way— if he ever finds out, he'll buy a new couch. We can make sure it doesn't have flags and eagles all over it. Everybody wins."

"Did you bring up my sex life just so you'd have a chance to make my brother get rid of this couch?"

"No, I also wanted to make him go distract France from the money I owe him. I also wanted to have sex with you. Is that so wrong of me?"

"Yes."

"Let's see how easy it is for me to change your mind," said Prussia, reaching for the zipper on Canada's jeans. Canada stopped his hands.

"We are not defiling my brother's couch so he'll buy a new one."

"Oh, come on—"

"We are _breaking_ my brother's couch so he'll have _no choice _but to buy a new one."

Prussia grinned. "See, I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

"I'll go get the sledgehammers."

"You know what, Mattie, you're no fun at all."

Canada gave him his best I-am-completely-innocent-here face. "Sledgehammers are good for breaking things."

Prussia poked him in the chest. "Don't try to pull that crap with the face on me. I know what a devious bastard you are. You went and got my hopes up—"

"What? They're efficient at smashing things, and I want to save my energy."

"For what?"

"Well, I _really_ hate the sheets in his guest bedroom."

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><p>So, yeah. Reviews? Please? They make me feel validated!<p> 


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